“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12

By Ron Dorner
The investments of most Americans have taken a significant dive in the past year. Those of us with older parents have that haunting feeling that if we are wrestling with the impact of that downturn on our own assets, then our elderly parents may also be struggling or may even need assistance.

Typically, parents do not disclose financial matters to their adult children. After all, they are, and have been, the parent. What is a child to do?

As we live longer and finances become more complex, an interesting intergenerational event is becoming more prevalent. Some will find their younger married children struggling financially at the same time they have a growing concern for their elderly parents. If you are in this situation, welcome to the “sandwich generation.”

It is important to be aware of ways to carry out the biblical mandate to honor your father and mother.

Over the years, I have observed that individuals have a greater propensity toward simplicity as they age. Often, I will describe various estate planning tools that a couple in their late 70s or 80s could use to save their estate significant sums of money, only to have them say, “Thank you very much, but we don’t think we would care to do that.” The hunger for simplicity has prevailed over rational thinking. This is true because even I am noting that in myself, to some degree and I am only in my late 60s. Why mention this? If you have parents in their late 60s or older, they may not be able to make good financial decisions.

Often there is total silence between parents and children regarding personal finances. It is never too early to begin discussions about this topic. You may find your parent(s) in one of three situations:

• Totally unprepared financially.
  Prepared but at an age where it is becoming more difficult to monitor and make necessary decisions.
  Prepared with procedures in place to provide for their needs if they are unable to care for their finances.

Until you know the situation, you will not be able to be of assistance. Realize that you may not have the knowledge to assist your parents. If that is the case, establish a communication link with your parents and engage a financial planner.

The first step in breaking the financial silence is to ask probing questions. The answers can reveal your parent’s situation. Ask questions like:

• Sally and I are thinking about saving for the kid’s education. What approach would you recommend?
• I find it hard to save money. How did you do it?
• I have been thinking of buying stocks. What do you think about that?
• Sally and I are doing estate planning and we need to decide whether to make a will or a trust. What are your thoughts?
• Joe and I are thinking about planning for our future financially. Do you know someone who is a good financial planner?
• Sally and I just completed legal documents for someone to handle our finances if there is an emergency. Do you have those kinds of documents?

Questions of this nature are nonthreatening. They will help you understand the level of skill and knowledge your parents have regarding finances and help you act accordingly.

Should you find indications that your parents need help, gradually ask can-I-help questions. The parent may be hesitant to admit he or she can no longer do something, like balancing a checkbook. Sample questions include:

I just got my new Medicare and You booklet. I read the changes for the year and was wondering if you would like me to show you some of the changes that will affect your visits to the doctor?

I just read some good tips on how to prevent someone from stealing your identity. May I share some of them with you?

Telephone salesmen are driving us crazy! I read that you should never buy over the phone unless you initiate the call. We are going to make that our practice. What do you think about that?

If the parent continues to resist talking about his or her finances, a sibling conference might be in order. When a parent is confronted by more than one child, he or she may be more open to seeking help.

Pray about the situation. Convey to your parent that you want him or her to remain as financially independent as possible, but you are willing to help if and when assistance is needed. 

Ron Dorner is director of Biblical Money Management. BMM has been helping believers handle their finances and estate planning since 1984. Online counseling is available at www.BiblicalMoneyManagement.com.

The Brethren Heritage Center in Brookville, Ohio is one stop on the first-even Southern Ohio Grace Brethren Heritage Tour.

The first event is a gala ice cream social and BMH authors’ autograph party following the opening plenary session on Sunday evening, July 26. Already more than 10 BMH authors, including such favorites as Tom Julien, Kary Oberbrunner, Todd Scoles, John Davis, David Plaster, and many others have committed to being available to autograph their books. All books by authors present that evening will be for sale at 50 percent off retail (for this event only) and the ice cream is free, so plan now to enjoy the ice cream, the fellowship, and visiting with some of the gifted authors who have published with BMH Books.

The second event will be the all-conference pancake breakfast and BMH corporation meeting on Monday, July 27. Beginning at 7 a.m., Chris’ Cakes will have their world-famous pancake flippers in operation (they have flipped for four U.S. presidents and hold the Guinness world record) for your pleasure. Staff and board members of BMH will be serving your tables, and at 8:15 a.m. there will be a short corporation meeting for all BMH corporation members, concluding in time for everyone to get to 9 a.m. classes. Pancake breakfast tickets are included in the conference registration, but additional guests are welcome at $5 each.

Finally, the first-ever Southern Ohio Grace Brethren Heritage Tour will depart from the Columbus church about 1:15 p.m. on Thursday, July 30, and return around 9 p.m. Tour guides Todd Scoles and David Plaster will share historical context and background, as will a talented couple from the Powell church who are experts in Brethren history and will be in costume for the event.

The first stop will be at Carriage Hill Farm, founded by a Brethren family, Daniel and Catharine Arnold. Operating now under the auspices of the Montgomery County park system, Carriage Hill Farm includes some 900 acres rich in cultural, natural, and Brethren religious history. A park historian knowledgeable in Brethren history will personalize a lecture for our group.

The next stop is the Bear Creek Meeting House where an elder from our sister group, the Old German Baptist Brethren, will lead a tour of the meeting house which was built in 1882 and has been little changed since then. Even the same benches are being used in worship.

The final stop will be the Brethren Heritage Center in Brookville, a rich research archive for Brethren history and genealogy. Nine Brethren groups, all tracing their origins to Alexander Mack and Schwarzenau, Germany, in 1708, have cooperated in combining books, historical records, and artifacts for the Center. Currently comprising about 7,100 square feet, the Center is staffed by volunteers, includes historical displays and a bookstore, and more.

The tour will conclude with a delightful family-style meal at Rob’s Restaurant in Brookville, which serves home-cooked meals in the German and American tradition.

An added feature will be Jeff and Sherry Martin of the Powell (Ohio) Grace Brethren Church, who do historical reenactments of a Brethren elder and his wife, well-researched and in period costume. The Martins have agreed to join the tour in costume to take questions on the bus trip.

Cost for the entire tour, including bus, meal at Rob’s and entry to all sites, is $30 per person. Register today, as seating is limited. Questions should be directed to Ann Myers at BMH by e-mailing This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

And, of course, all week long BMH will welcome your browsing and fellowship at our book exhibit table, where the more than 130 fine products published by BMH will be available, including latest copies of the all-Grace Brethren periodical, FGBC World.

Future Grace Brethren students at Grace Theological Seminary, Winona Lake, Ind., may benefit from a $60,000 grant to the school from the Grace Brethren Investment Foundation, also located in Winona Lake. The grant will provide for scholarships for Grace Brethren seminary students and initial expenses of the scholarship program.

According to Jeffrey Gill, D.Min., dean of the seminary, one of the greatest challenges for young men and women going into church ministry is the cost of education. Even when tuition costs are very competitive with other seminaries, effectively educating leaders for the church and mission field requires a significant financial investment.

The trustees of the Grace Brethren Investment Foundation, he added, are committed to providing financial assistance for theological education to future Grace Brethren leaders.

“The foundation has a real burden to see pastoral leadership development take place in the Fellowship of Grace Brethren churches,” said Ken Seyfert, executive director of operations at the Foundation. ‘This investment in potential leaders is our contribution to the effort.”